Monday, January 2, 2017


Happy new year, everyone!

I've been ruminating over the past year quite a bit and I've been doing some reevaluating of my priorities; what I want to pursue and work on. Growing into your twenties is a funny thing - people often talk about it, they write articles about it, they look back on these times. And boy, these times can be heavy. Getting used to it, growing up and still trying to be happy takes a lot of work. It can be a bit too much on me sometimes.

Twenty-sixteen has been eye opening and I was successful in sticking to my resolutions. Like, going to more music gigs, meeting more people, developing more valuable friendships and doing whatever the fuck I want (well.. to some extent). For instance, I've finally dyed my hair green, said "yes" to more things and these decisions have done well for my soul. I want to keep at it, but go through with an even harder force this year.

I used to think that writing was my calling. I enjoyed it deeply, and I thought it was the one thing I was best at in comparison to my other interests. I mean, I'm not the best at expressing myself verbally and writing helps me ease into it. It allows me to take my time and ponder on all these thoughts that beg to be brought out; knocking hard against the walls of my skull. "Let us out! We are overcrowding your mind, let us out!"

However, I want to pursue my other passions right now. I write songs, I rap, I beatbox - not many people know about this because I often lack the confidence so I don't let them know. Then I fall into a self-fulfilling prophecy and in turn, believe that I'm not at all good at them. I've also been packing recently because I'm moving houses sometime this year, and going through my old art has woken up a spark in me. What happened to the creative me? I write and read so much in my degree, that after a while it gets a bit dry for me. I love language and the expression through it, I adore words and I admit I need more practice with it, but I want to head in a different direction in 2017.

Creating used to bring so much joy to me, and it still does, but I don't get to do it as much anymore. I want to get back into painting, collaging and taking more photos. I want to surround myself with more visual art and just... start creating again, you know? It's just different than writing. It's less technical and it's more liberating. I'm forced to think through a different angle and I miss that so much.

Again, I've always lacked the confidence in my visual work. I tell myself that I've never studied art or that I can't draw for shit, but art can be expressed through so many other ways. I guess I'm just ready to challenge myself differently.

And for some reason, after taking up Philosophy and the Psychology of Politics as my electives last semester, it gave me a newfound confidence to pursue what I want. It may be testing because I don't believe I possess the required skills (whatever that means) to produce art, but fuck it, you know? The only way to go is Up. I can only keep doing it and continue to improve. I'm rusty because I've taken a break from all these things for years. I finally have - somewhat - enough trust and belief in myself that I can do it, and that I should do it. If I'm not going to start now, then when will I?

So, staying true to that, I've set up an Instagram account for my ~photography~ as a pool of collection of my work. Who knows where it will lead me to, right?

Just one of those shameless self-promos, ha!

And some sneak peeks that you'll see in the future:

Friday, October 28, 2016

Gone Green

I've been wanting to dye my hair since I was a teen, and I finally got the chance to! Thought green was an interesting colour, especially against my skin tone. Plus, growing up in a country filled with lush rainforests have always made feel connected to nature and the trees that I wanted to pay homage to the rainforest, somehow. Being in the jungle is peaceful. Sometimes my mind wanders off and I get deep into my thoughts. The silence is different, too - it can get too silent that it pierces your ears. It's free from city noise, but the insects and animals fill up those gaps. Not only is it refreshing, but it makes you feel good from within.

As I'm currently studying in KL, being in the city sans my own car limits my chances of hiking as much as I'd like to. So, I definitely miss the crisp, fresh air that you get when you inhale that the leaves freshly exhale. None of that carbon monoxide from car exhausts, pollution from construction sites, and so on.

I was playing around with make up one night and decided to go for a rose sheen on my eyes and cheeks, complimented by a red lip. Also adding a splash of gold and brown with my earrings to frame my face.

My boyfriend, Fariz, also did his hair with me. It's actually a combination of teal, dark blue and grey in real life, but for some reason the camera CONSTANTLY picks up periwinkle/purple instead. A pretty cool effect, no doubt!

Went to Nagaba to chill out and listen to some music after that. Nice vibes, especially for a hang out with friends (which we lack.. sob). Lol.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Holding Up

I was having a think the other about how nice it is to look back at past posts. Facebook is doing that with its memory feature but I'm not so keen on spilling my thoughts and feelings out on there. And I mostly spill my thoughts on twitter but I don't want to torture my friends of having to listen to me endlessly complain, hahah. Plus, the 140-character limit doesn't allow me to practise the flow of writing that I need to desperately right now. And I'm usually too lazy to commit to a physical journal.

SO, I've decided to come back to blogging because it'd be interesting to see how my thoughts have developed over the years and to see what I'm currently going through as comparison. I figured that it would be a creative and healthier outlet for when my stress levels get out of hand, so I'm seeing through this on whether it helps or not.

Anyway, I'm in my final year of my degree now (crazy how time flies!) Doing my thesis whilst taking 5 other subjects - due to this I have about 12 assignments to complete this semester; WAY more than I'm used to - and I don't seem to be reacting well to that. I'm about 6 weeks into my semester and it's been SUCH a hell of a rollercoaster ride. My emotions have been doing 180 turns every other day, my sanity doing front flips and back, and my mind flooded with never-ending to-do lists.

So. Yeah. I'm trying to find healthier alternatives to coping as the built up of anxiety I experience can get a bit too much (and they're no fun at all).

I've been successful, so far, in my attempts at finding a balance between everything. Deadlines are looming around the corner, but I'm still making time for enough rest and doing things that I enjoy, like crafting and watching youtube videos! Lol


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