Thursday, May 2, 2013

vanishing point

I sit here on my bed taking a break from studying the dull step-by-step processes of how an oceanic ridge is formed or how sea floor spreading occurs. I love Geography, I find it very fascinating but to put down the knowledge and facts with specific keywords I have obtained and locked into my head onto paper under a limited amount of time while trying to read the examiner's mind is not really my cup of tea.

The same thing goes for Psychology.

My head is filled with a million different terms with a million different meanings all divided unequally under my four subjects.
My eyes sore from the waterfall tears of stress and pressure, sore from the lack of rest, sore from the constant reading and attempts of concentrating.
My body tired and limp from sitting all day; it has gone out of sync and out of control that I don't even know what is happening.
It is on autopilot and I can't find the off button.
My soul exhausted from trying to keep up with my surroundings and peers.

(taken from my sketchbook)

I long for the days when I am able to have free time on my hands, the days when I am able to sit on my bed and drink coffee while reading a book, or watch a film, or catch up on episodes of tv series all day.
I long for the days when I have the time to stimulate my brain how I want it to; to read materials that I choose; to fill my world with colours and silly pictures instead of grey words and complicated graphs.

Those days are coming nearer but the papers I have to sit for are only in a matter of days.

I have already reached my breaking point wherein no word, no diagram, no concept is able to enter my brain and process it. Instead they are broken down into unreadable lines and squiggles and later classified as waste.

I have reached maximum capacity.

I do not have the ability to go on.

I am here to tell you that I have already quit.

And I don't know what else to do to get back up.



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